So this was a project I did back in September. It just go critiqued today. Biggest fault: it raises more questions than it answers. Why do these guys live together?
I looked at it as a funny odd couple sort of thing. The older guy, pushing 100, and the younger cat (relatively speaking), whose a character by all measures. I should have let it breathe a little at the intro instead of sliding right into the nat sound. All in all, I’m happy with my first crack at this style of storytelling.
To recap what I ‘shoulda’ done:
*Open with Magnus talking, or with some extended fade-in, silent.
*Focus on just one of the characters, namely Magnus and explain his plight (even though it was not a good choice for a 1-minute piece)
*Show more of the apartment, or at least a shot of the front of the building.
Good luck Mr. Saethre.
One thought on “An elder with rent control”
i think the dynamics of your story are hard to fit into a one minute piece. there’s so much to it… how the landlord is trying to push the old guy out, the day-to-day life of the two, the sort of weird relationship of the two, what’s gonna happen after the old guy dies…
all in all, good shit. great story.